Recent Thoughts...

I was looking into the mirror while dressing up for dance class the other day and noticed how the room light glinted against my shoulder... and how boney it suddenly seemed to be. At certain angles, I could see the ridges of my ribs, the bones at the tip of my shoulders (at 66kg?! How strange it seems to be boney at such a weight!) and how deeply pronounced my clavicles have become and it disturbed me somewhat... because beyond that, I still saw fat. Oh god! I'm still so fat! *pinches skin*

I walked out and asked the hubster a question I had been pondering.. "how do you know if someone has anorexic tendencies?". I believe that anorexia or at least the formations of the tendency must be derived from a certain stage of a persons size & weight in their minds before it actually plummets down to an unhealthy bone-like state. I'm not saying that I have anorexia.. I'm far from it of course but it disturbed me to look at myself and instead of being happy that I've come thus far, that I look at the reflection looking back at me and I still say.. "Oh God! Still so fat!!" Specially now where I'm not exactly what the major consensus would consider FAT. So why is this so? It must be something warped with my state of mind... ponders somemore...

What he said after that discussion also resonated in my mind.. "you haven't asked me what I thought of your size" he said and I realised.. that I havent.. and he said "you're too small now.. to me.. but you can tone up more if you want but losing more weight isn't going to make you look any better than you already do. If you gain weight, be happy. If you lose more weight, be happy. Whatever size you want to become, just be happy...." and I nodded in silence... I wished I could just agree and just smile and accept that I could just be simply happy.

You know how when people say "when I get a million dollars, I'll be happy." But when they do get the million, are they truely happy? Or is it just not enough? Or when people who are on a weightloss plan say "when I get slimmer, I'll be happy"... so why is it being slimmer turns out not as what it seems. Because it seemed that I was happier bigger and trying my darnest to get down to this goal only to reach it somewhat and say.. "thats it?"...

I won't deny having the pleasure in seeing my pictures and thinking, my gosh... look at me now, what a journey I've taken to reach where I am now.. sure, I amuse myself by hanging on to mrt poles with my arms bent at 90 degree angles so that I could see my biceps.. wahahaha! Biceps! I never thought I'd ever have arm muscles in my life! Much less slightly visible ones that I could ACTUALLY flex... I won't deny revelling unabashedly in the compliments from many a persons saying how wonderful I've made it to where I am... Thank you!

But for awhile there, I went about in a state of ponder.. to why I was not happy.. perhaps it was a loss of curves which I was previously so proud of. Sure, I was big but I was voluptuous to a major degree! I had major major curves! Looking down, now its just a bump n lump here n there with some loose skin that still needs time to retract. This is not the kind of sexy that I had in mind... slim = sexy? Apparently not so because sexy is in the mind... and my mind isn't quite clear right now...

I went about my week with these thoughts bouncing in my head and on Friday morning, I received a surprise. My friend and PT client who I meet several times a week presented me with one of the best presents ever which she purchased for me at her latest overseas trip that came at such impeccable timing. Something that I needed at no more perfect time than now. Encouragement. Inspiration. Direction. Reason and Acceptance. Thank you S. I know you'll read this sometime and you cannot believe how touched and appreciative I am of your gift. *tears happily*

The book has been with me in my arms or in my bag since I received it and I've been taking peeks at it throughout the day, completely enjoying myself with the stories within. Finding such close parallels to what I've gone through with my weightloss journey and its struggles and finding that I can laugh along with it is just priceless. Thank you.

And one more before I end off this post and off this topic. Here below is a picture of Charlotte Mizuki and me. An amazing lady who has been a faithful blog reader for some time now that I've met lately and had gone on a weightloss journey of her own. She had successfully lost 12kg in just under 6 months. I happily applaud her efforts and determination! It was certainly not easy for sure. She had been coming to my classes recently and has been an absolute pleasure to have. To check out her exploits, her blog can be found HERE.

TShirt Deconstruction Workshop!

By Popular Request. Its happening! Click on the image above for details and RSVP to honeymeow@gmail.com to confirm your space. Limited to 30 participants only.

Trekking Up Mount Faber...

As part of my personal training program to incorporate a more active lifestyle into the mindset and lives of all my clients, one of my dearest client and I set out on a trek up Mount Faber on Sunday.

Our day started at 7am where we were deposited by cab at the base of Mount Faber Road. Map can be found HERE. We started at where the Taxi A image on the farthest right of the map and made our way up the slopes at a steady pace.

We walked up and down the slopes, enjoyed the scenery and the fresh air that was devoid of much toxic traffic fumes that we usually inhale... Armed with our haversacks filled with the necessary fluids for the day, a change of clothes and with me the necessary first aid kit.

We were delighted as we reached the top and referred to the map and realised that as we journeyed around the area, that we had completed all of the walks and crossed bridges that were on the trail.

From going up Faber Walk to the Canopy Walk to going along the Marang Trail, crossing the Henderson Waves Bridge, climbing up the Hilltop Walk stairways, trekking along the Forest Walk and crossing over the Alexandra Arch and eventually reaching the Floral walk @ the Hort Park.

It took us a total of 3 hours to walk throughout all those trails with the occasional stops to enjoy the scenery, drink water and to explore what signs they had placed up along the way.

Signs like... "No rollerblading/Skateboarding" - Up along Mount Faber? I would think it was a reasonable request that this was put up. I cannot imagine how one would stop safely on such inclines and slopes specially if there was a car coming. Even if you managed to fall on your side, you would probably end up rolling down the steep slopes to the base anyway.. Eeeppsss!! Safety first!!! I hope no one had to be injured before this was put into place...

And being a considerate pet owner and "pick up your dogs poo" and dispose of respectfully would be great of course...

And "Do not feed the Monkeys!"... we didn't see any Monkeys that morning and all I saw was a bushy orange squirrel who tried his/her darnest to escape from us all while scampering up the tree... Do we really look THAT scary?!

Doing a walk so early in the morning was extremely refreshing with the morning dew on the plants still cool and dripping off the leaves around us. The air was breezy and crisp and the sun was not beating its rays at us in attempt to fry us alive.

Our trek eventually ended at the Hort Park where we enjoyed a brisk walk through the flowers, enjoyed exploring the many unique plants they were cultivating at their experimental greenhouses and watching the fish as they meandered about in the Koi ponds within the park itself.

It was an extremely satisfying and enjoyable morning and I'm looking forward to our next trek next month for more outdoor adventures. On our list right now for the next couple of trips out would be jogging through the Singapore Botanic Gardens, Sentosa, Pulau Ubin, Mandai-Bukit Timah Hill and exploring the Kampung Buangkok Estate.

Any more suggestions on trails to explore would be appreciated.. meanwhile.. onwards towards a more active lifestyle!! Good Morning Singapore!!!

V-Golf Ladies Card Launch Party

Some two weeks back after my Friday evening class, my gorgeous friend n dance student Judy invited me to join her at the V-Golf Sports Bar Ladies Card Launch party... I wasn't prepared for a night out and was feeling quite poofed from the dance classes that day, definitely wasn't dressed for it but went with my black tank n jeans to check it out... I was happy I went though.. the ladies made it enjoyable... all these pictures are from little instant event picture cards that were taken and printed on the spot and given to us... instant gratification! I like!

V-Golf Sports Bar is the one & only Sports Bar in the ASEAN region to have a wholesome concept for their golf simulators integrated with multi-axis platform & 3-holes putting plate. They didn't only have golf games but also virtual dancing games, darts, xbox games, and other interactive kinds of fun stuff to do. I thought it was a great idea for an evening out with actually something to do other than just sit and stone out with a drink and mingle with small talk that sometimes just doesn't make sense... it may be just me but I cannot enjoy the night out just staring at each other in the group and pretending to enjoy the "ambience"... if its a night out dancing, I'd like to actually BE dancing, sweating and moving without the alcohol...

A spa was there doing a mini roadshow to promote their spa packages and gave us hot hand paraffin waxes which was supposed to make our hands soft... note that I mentioned "supposed"... it just ended up making our hands smell like essential oil... our hands were dipped into hot wax & wrapped in gladwrap and looked more like raw chicken fillets at the supermarket... we amused ourselves doing the robot dance with our wrapped up "chicken fillets". Looking at these pictures, Damn!! I should have put on some makeup!! Wahahaha! I look so pale!

I met a new galfriend too and guess what? Her name is also Pamela and she's also half chinese half filipina!!... we've got the same bloodlines! Hoy Ganda!! :) It was an immediate connection and she's so funny!! Since the drinks were free flowing for the event, I enjoyed lining my side of the table with 5 large glasses of orange & cranberry juices!! Whooooot!! I met the rest of the group of Judys friends and they were all very babelicious ladies... Thanks for the nice evening!! I believe the next time I'll be meeting Pamela Perez again is probably at the pole and exotic dance workshop that we'll be attending soon... Oh la la!!! *excited*

Deconstructing Shirts...

This is one of the hubsters favourites so far. I've been practicing with some old unwanted shirts. Apparently he likes the corset styled kind of look... I like it too! I've learnt for this kind of style, you've got to tie the strings tighter as it needs to be a pulled against the body for it to look good. It cannot be worn loose. I didn't take a picture of the front of the red one below but its a round neck front and its covered with a red netting. Images of other deconstructed designs can be found HERE and HERE.

Image of the purple front satin stretch tank top.

Nightmare on Bus 190

After last Saturdays' dance class, my girlfriends who joined my class and I decided to have some girl time together for dinner and to people watch over at Clarke Quay for abit. Little did we know that we were in for a little bit of a nightmare that evening...

Serene, Pek Gan and I fresh after the latest circuit training routine that I've created, feeling va-va-voom with the latest deconstructed tops that I created, set off from the club at Bukit Timah. We were chatting happily and boarded the bus 190 that would have brought us direct to Clarke Quay with a travel time of only about 15 minutes... 10 minutes into the journey, it struck me that I was seeing trees, trees and more trees.

We were on the highway heading to Choa Chu Kang!! We were going the wrong way!! Argh!! It completely escaped us that we were on the bus that was heading the wrong direction and the worse part was that it was a journey to one end of Singapore with a non-stop bus that went over major long highways to the west end of Singapore. We had no choice but to wait till the bus hit Bukit Panjang.

We then decided to just have dinner in the west instead and head down to CQ after. We peered out the bus windows in hopes to see a food centre and eventually saw one but realised shortly after that the nearest bus stop was just too far to walk back towards it. So we headed onwards toward the CCK interchange. My god, that just mean another 20 minutes on the bus as the bus traversed internally through the CCK estate... *smacks head*

When we finally disembarked, we were already somewhat delirious and proceeded to get something to eat and shortly after lined up to board the same bus back towards town to our final destination for the evening.

From the time we boarded the bus in the wrong direction, it was only 6pm and bright as seen above. By the time we hit back town, it was already 8pm and dark. We had practically made a 15 minute journey turn into a 2 hour one on the "same" bus. *blink blink* Bimbo Moment.

We tried however to make our journey as interesting as possible and whenever Serene whips out her iphone, we know that we would be taking pictures of us in strange positions and poses. And incase anyone was wondering, I am 101% straight so I really am not into kissing other females... this picture is not what it seems.

Sometime into the ride... ZZzzzz.... why does it take sooooo long... *peers at traffic on the highway... & falls back asleep*... eventually, we finally hit town with flat aching butts. Pek Gan already on the edge of her seat ready to slide off, Serene with her not so glam snore position and a grumpy me uncomfortable in my seat...

Serene took this shot and even though it was only part of my face and grumpy, we thought it was a nice picture that made me look like such a little girl.. hahaha! A 33 yo middle age mom of 2 pre-teens trying to pass off as a SYT.... *sweet young thing*... ewww... *balks* Hahaha!

Eventually we reached our stop and stumbled off the bus relieved. Finally, we have reached. Albeit not so cheerful, alot less energetic and feeling a little half dead...

The night eventually ended well as I took the opportunity to pop into Azzucar. Where I had previously worked with them as their external design, PR and events partner for a period of time and held 2 of my past birthday celebrations there. Sadly, it was their last day and Azzucar is now officially out of operations and closed. I made my rounds to say goodbye to everyone I knew there. So one of my favorite haunts is now gone forever, along with the live cuban band that I grew to appreciate who belted out many of my favorite spanish tunes and dance numbers.

We then proceeded to Cuba Libre around the corner at Clarke Quay to enjoy some more amazing music played by a pretty nifty and charming Colombian band. Serene knew the club manager, Trevor and he made us his guests for the evening so everything was on the house. He ensured that everyone had their drinks. Mine was a Virgin Mojito (non alcoholic! okay)... and Trevor plied the table FULL of extremely delicioso yummies!! They were seriously tasty tasty food.. if anything, I'd be back there to eat!

We had grilled chicken cheesy nachos with Jalapeños, crispy Prawn cheese bruchettas and Mango chicken Cheese Quesadillas and the menu was open to us to order more if we wanted to.. Gosh.. talk about being spoilt for choice!! Too bad after the initial round of food, I was ready to "give birth" right there n then with the amount of food offered. What a wonderful *pats tummy* experience that was... really good food, good music, love the company and a final good end for such an adventurous evening... Thank you Serene and Trevor for the treat! :) Salsa and Bachata one day? :) Por supuesto!

More Tshirt Deconstruction!

With reference to this earlier deconstructed shirt post, I now have so many different tops that I've deconstructed lately and I've been discovering certain ways about how to cut & weave them to give them different looks. Different classes would see me with a different styled top... some look like webs, some just look sliced n diced and some become my favorites like the above which I know caused quite abit of nosebleeds on my commute wearing this with jeans and heels.....

I would definitely create this criss crossed laced up look again with another colored top.

And I also have a dark green top below that I've put up for sale! Its a brand new shirt. Never worn other than taking this photograph. Sleeves cut off so now its a tank top. Fits a size 10 person or a general medium size.

The back looks like this below. I have released this top for purchase over facebook but if you are interested, you can leave me a message or email me at honeymeow@gmail.com to arrange your purchase. Top costs $10. Please add $2 for postage & handling. (Add an additional $2 for registered post charge if you want this). Message me if interested. Let me know!

Being Slim Isnt...

....as all cut out as they said it would be... I'm dilemma-ing. For the past couple of years, I've been on a weightloss journey as we charted myself from that massive 100kg size to where I am today at 66kg. Indeed it has been no mean feat and an incredible challenge to have gotten this far.

From inactivity to an insane amount of physical exertion only known to full time group instructors... or perhaps bootcamp army officers... from a total lack of control to a determined mindset... the journey has had its ups and downs over the years...

So after all that, my life has been turned left, right, up and down and have completely changed how I am, my social circles and the way I perceive life, gain satisfaction... and sometimes even grief...

Then here I am. 34kg lighter. Doing what I love to do everyday and standing at a weight of 66kg. Feeling grateful that I have family and friends who have told me I'm beautiful no matter what size I am. And I truely appreciate the sincere honesty too.

BUT also realising that 66kg is still a heavy weight. And that I have always had a 60kg target since I've started this journey... now I'm having my doubts that I should go that small...

Small?! 60kg is small?! Are you kidding?! Well ... an average person at 60kg would pretty much consider themselves chubby, fat or for the more extreme.. "OMG! I'm obese!!! So fat!!"... but looking down at myself.. apparently with a heavy body frame and a blissfully tighter muscle build than your average 66kg person.. I think I'm looking alright.

Whats with this obsession I have however about my weight? My girlfriend said "who cares! as long you look healthy"... really? I'm trying to understand why I can't seem to find satisfaction at that number staring back at me from the weighing scale.. 66kg.. hmn...

And this comes with a very highly vocal consensus from everyone around me to stop with the weightloss... Some ask... "you're still going to lose more? Why??!"... and all I answer is because... "I've set out to achieve that 60kg target... I must reach it if not I would not have achieved my goal"... but do I really need to? Thats the dilemma now... 60kg was the magic number. Because any average Singaporean female would be considered on the heavy side even at that number but I think it would be just nice. But then again, I'm not the average Singaporean female...

A 60kg size would mean an easy medium in clothes, a size 10 perhaps... but then again.. I'm already wearing from medium/large now and then the disappointment starts as I look about... yeah sure.. I now have an amazing side profile..or so I've been told... I stand with my front flat (with clothes on of course), back lean n tight all the way till my bottom where I now have a considerably smaller ass with just the right wiggle where I need it....

That said.. front is flat. Sadly, I've lost my boobs and I was really actually quite proud that I had assets up there for some time and considerably voluptous enviable ones at that... When the clothes come off at the end of the day now.. my previously glorious DDs are now a very meagre deflated C.. I may even be a B.... as I can feel air in my C cups.. *sads*

So the chance that losing the final 6kg would literally flatten me out makes me astoundingly miserable to think about. Comments would flow around me "you're just nice now"... "you won't look good smaller".... "maybe just 1-2kg more if you really want" is common phrases I'm hearing these couple of days...

So the dilemma here is... do I press on because I have said I will. Or do I remain complacent and stay. Would I really look bad smaller? Perhaps I'd just lose the weight just to see how I am and then gain some back if I really look like this so called skinny pointy chin alien people say I might look like...

Or perhaps I can just set a new aim. To tone and flatten my abs. (I have never had tight abs in my life!! I may be flat now but never tight). To tone my arms (I still have mini batwings due to the stretched skin from all that previous weightgain). To round and tighten my butt/hips so much that I finally have that enviable killer backside n thighs I've always yearned to have...

Okay.. at least for the above new aims.. I'll now set a timeframe to achieve these... from now.. to my upcoming Birthday in JULY 2011. Lets see how this goes... (peeks into my tshirt sadly... sad.. very sad *shakes head*... )... I never expected that I'd actually feel miserable about reaching a certain stage of slim. But then again, at 66kg.. I'm not slim... so that makes it worse!! Big n Boobless!! ARrrghhh!!!! :(

When is it ever enough...

HONEYMEOW GIVEAWAYS!

My blog has been running for some years now and over the years, there have been contests, endorsements, sponsorships that are mixed along with my personal chatter. I have made some good friends from many who have read my blog and gotten to know me personally and students who read me and have come for my classes or taken training with me or just those follow my blog regularly to keep up with what I'm up to. Thank you for making me a little part of your life and spending these few minutes interested in reading what I have to say.

While I realise that not all my readers are female, I have a giveaway from ME!! for my female readers so if you're one who have been reading me for awhile, you may be interested in the following... but if you're male and want to do this to give the item to your girlfriend / wife / lover / mistress / mother / sister / aunty / etc haha!, please feel free to join too! :) VALID for readers in SINGAPORE only.

See the lovely long wallets, metallic mesh pouch and bling bling hand purses up there? I have 20 pieces of a combination of what you see above for 20 lucky readers who do the following if you want one. Gifts will be randomly supplied so winners will not be able to choose which one they get but they're labelled as No. 1 to No. 20.

UPDATE: IF YOU HAVE SENT IN YOUR ENTRY SUCCESSFULLY, you will be listed here and know that you have won one of the items. Thank you!

1. Pauline Tan (Posted!)
2. Twirling Penguin (ST) (Posted!)
3. Ann (LAT)(Posted!)
4. Mizuki Chan (Collected)
5. Valerie Lim (Posted!)
6. Waine Shih (Posted!)
7. Frond (JP) (Posted!)
8.
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10.
11.
12.
13.
14.
15.
16.
17.
18.
19.
20.

Each winner will be listed down a list of consecutive numbers and you will get that respective item. :) Giveaway ends once the first 20 entries are in so I can arrange collection or postage. I will make an announcement once all have been claimed.

What you need to do to win one of them?

1. Read my Blog. Again. Yes.. again...
2. Give me the URL of your favorite 1 blog entry from EACH year** from 2007 to current and tell me WHY you like it or how it has entertained / inspired / affected / angered / pissed you off.... whatever... "I just like it!" is not a good enough reason. Thats a total of 5 links. 2007 (1), 2008 (1), 2009 (1), 2010 (1), and 2011 (1). (Pls. note that no more than 2 URL links out of the 5 chosen can come from my side bar popular posts listing.)
3. Leave your comment entry here on my comments box of this post.
4. *Important* Send me your contact details - Real Name, Home Address, Mobile No., your personal blog URL if any to honeymeow@gmail.com together with your URL list entry so I know which one is yours.
5. And finally, either give me some link love by linking my blog URL on your blog/website if you haven't already done so. If you don't have a blog, give me a shoutout with my blog link on Facebook and @pamelasim tag me so I know you have linked me up. :) If you don't have a blog/website or facebook. Then let me know.

Thats it! :) So easy right?

How are you going to get it?

Upon receiving your entry and email with personal details. I will arrange either to post the item won to you so don't forget to provide me with your home mailing address. Don't worry, I won't share your personal information with anyone.

OR you can arrange to meet me to pick it up while I transit around Singapore for my classes/training. I will have a schedule that you can check to see where I am for that week to meet me to collect your item and SAY HI! in person too!

However, if we have arranged for collection and you stand me up. *frowns* Your item will be given away to someone else and no, I will not post it to you after for wasting my time. These items are not light weight so carrying them around will not be easy.

I will release these details if there are any self collections (those who are in my classes or those who I see on a weekly basis and if you're one of the winners, I'll bring the item directly to you in class). Good Luck!!!

David's Farewell Class... Again.

Yeah again... I guess everyone just can't bear to let him leave. From the last class at Cali that saw most of these people crying to having yet another "Farewell" dance session with the señor before he really leaves Singapore for good. My dance instructor, the one who inspired my foray into Zumba Fitness and who has pushed me to excel to prove myself that I can give my best in this industry to those who are willing to join me.

Apparently, he's leaving with Wai Han (his girlfriend) to Taiwan where he will be more involved with Zumba and will be back in Singapore *schedule permitting* to train the instructors from time to time.

Group shot after all that crazy shaking. The mood was excellent, atmosphere was electric and there were many who finally experienced what a true quality Zumba Fitness class is like. My girlfriend Zuri organised the session together with some light food & beverages at the Hollandse club on the 10th of February 2011. Will miss these kind of gatherings and hope we all meet up again soon!

For now.. its onwards to more weightloss! I gained 4kg over the CNY weekend!! Imagine that!! I started Day 1 at 67kg. Day 3 saw me at 71kg?! but.. I'm pleased to report that 1 week post that freakish weighing, I'm back to my previous 67kg and have only 7kg left to go! Cheer me on! I can do it!! :)