Sunday, January 25, 2009

Damn Funny Filipino Style Jokes

If you are familiar with the filipino language/accent, you might get these jokes and if you do, you'll find that they're just so damn funny!

The filipino language is beautiful... specially when it's in its purest form: Tagalog. But when we start to combine it with the English language, the use of the letters "P" and 'F" are reversed, we drop the letter "V" and replace it with the letter "B", and end up kind of butchering the words with the accent...

My cousin told us this joke last night and I cannot stop laughing! If you can, read/say this in the closest filipino accent you can to get the joke.

3 maids were at the agency waiting to take a test.
The manager said "I'll give you 3 words, use them and form a sentence. The words are Chicken, Nut & Bread."

The first maid said "Yesterday, I went to the market and I bought Chicken Nut Bread"

The manager said "Pass! Next!"

The second maid said "Last night for dinner, I made Chicken Nut Bread"

The manager said "Pass! Next!"

The third maid said "Last night, I went into my maams room and I saw the pillow over her face, Chicken Nut Bread*!"

The manager: "......"

(*She Cannot Breathe) - Get it?

I found more online and I got into a laughing fit. Mommy & Alex! I'm sure u're reading all this.. SO DAMN FUNNY okay!

Use UNO, DOSE, TRES in a sentence.
UNO, DOSE TRES are on fire!!! (oh no, those trees)

Use DEDUCT, DEFENSE, DETAIL, and DEFEAT in a sentence.
DEDUCT jumped over DEFENSE, but DETAIL landed before DEFEAT. (the duck jumped over the fence but the tail landed before the feet)

Use DEPOSIT in a sentence.
Please check the bathroom. I think DEPOSIT is leaking. (the faucet)

Use PAMPERS and PAPERS in one sentence.
At the gasoline station, I asked the attendant, "Do I PAMPERS or do I PAPERS?" (pump first, pay first)

Use MASTURBATION is a sentence....
Third world countries suffer from MASTURBATION (mass starvation).

And another one of my favourites...

What are the three prides of the Philippines? Pride pish. Pride chicken. And pride rice. (fried)

Bwuhahahaahahahahaaahaa!!! *holding stomach...* Enjoy!


Anonymous said...

love the she cannot breath joke dude had me in stitches!!

Anonymous said...

i laugh alot on this even i dont remember theres a wall behind me and i hit my head to it -_-.. hahahhaa but this one super funny! funniest: things about duck and feet! hahahha

Anonymous said...

Mustard and Patis in a sentence:

It Mussstard beeen looove...Patissss ober nooww!!