Thursday, October 04, 2007

Weird Children Dreams and the Crazy Kid. (me)

There are times when you think back on your childhood and go "damn! I was such a dumb ass!" Stupidity in its highest! What was I thinking?!?

I related a story some nights ago to Lauren while we were on a stroll. She was telling me about what happened in her dreams lately and some of them can get quite unusual about Aliens and other weird phenomenas. It becomes an interesting topic and a particular one of my old childhood dreams came to mind.

Why I decided to tell her that dream was because I wanted her to understand that what happens in Dreams doesn't mean that it SHOULD or CAN work in real life. Where in your dream, you could have super powers but in real life, flying past a building is not an option unless you're in an aeroplane.

The only thing I don't quite understand is why I can get so "useless" and "powerless" in my dreams. ie. when I'm supposed to be running fast and putting in extreme effort to pick up the speed, my dream sees me walking in snails pace. My mind says, RUN RUN RUN! I'm panting and wheezing through the effort and my body refuses to move properly and goes in opposite of what I will myself to do.

Wah! Frustrating can! *rolls eyes*

Or when I'm executing a punch or a slap to someone I hate in the dream. My arm feels the strength, my whole body convulses and tenses for impact and when my hands make contact with the offending face. It does a mini.... "piak" and slaps the person with the strength of a feather swishing past his/her cheek. AARGHH!!!!! So retarded.

Anyway, back to the story to Lauren. I had this re-occuring dream when I was younger, ie under 6 years old.

Warning: If you are easily queasy, don't read further bc you might get nausea. *I already feel it now and it was MY dream*

In the past, I used to sleep over at my grand parent's house at Serangoon Gardens during the week or some weekends and their bathroom and toilet are separate rooms. In the old style of semi-d houses, the bathroom drains were not like how it is now where you have it on the floor with plastic drain covers.

Previously, it was a hole in the wall and it terrified me so much to the point that I was paranoid about peeing or shitting on my own! *shivers*

I'd imagine hordes of cockroaches and bugs swarming in the toilet and sometimes, there would REALLY be feelers sticking out of the hole when a roach decided to attempt to enter the toilet. *screams and runs out of the toilet with my panties at my ankles. Who cares if I was bottom naked! Its a COCKROACH!! Ruuunn!!*

I wasted ALOT of tissue rolling them into little balls and stuffing them up these "holes" in the wall drains just so that I could attempt to sit on the bowl in peace without fearing that some bug would come crawling out.

Anyway, in my dreams, I would be a lilliput person, a really tiny miniscule person and I actually lived in the "hole" in this toilet as my home. I had a job and it was such an unusual one.

I was an ASS CLEANER. ''-.- *

Why I has that kind of SHITTY job, I don't understand *pun intended*

I would be armed with a bottle of lysol spray (surprisingly, its also a perfect size in proportion to me as a tiny person that I could hold it in my hands).

I could also jump immense heights. This was useful to me because I had to jump from the floor, right INTO the toilet bowl to do my job. *I still can't believe how retarded this dream was, seriously now, WHAT WAS I THINKING!*

I also had the powers of sticking to the sides of the toilet bowl, just like how Spiderman would stick to the wall. Any part of my body can stick to the porcelain like glue!

What would happen is that, a warning would come to me in the form of footsteps of someone wanting to use the toilet and I would prepare myself with my Lysol spray and leap into the toilet bowl and wait for the bare NAKED ass to come hovering and plonk itself ONTO the bowl.

With me in it. *argh!!!*

As with any other toilet business, the person would begin his/her shit and lumps would splash into the toilet water and splash against me with a whooosh! *just like how a car would splash u when they drive by at high speeds on a rainy floody day*

Sometimes, a gush of wind would fill the space I was in which literally "blow dried" my little self.

This of course being, what people lovingly call, a FART. Or an Angel Whisper.. *I don't know what kind of Angel some people listen to at night to call it this, but I imagine my angel, if I have one, to have a gentle calming voice and not one that sounds like gas emissions. Perhaps you are facing the wrong side of the bed and facing ur partner's ass instead?*

So the next thing that happens, is that I look up to see the bare ass wiggle to signify that it had completed its business and I prepare my Lysol spray and press it with all my tiny might and Whooooosh!! The spray disinfects the giant ass and just like how the Alien space ship rumbled and moved away from the sky in Independance Day, the "disinfected" ass gets up and out of the toilet.

My job is done, I leap out of the toilet and run into the hole in the wall to wait for the next "customer".

Dream over too. I wake up at this point. How coincidentally it must be too that each time that I COMPLETE all the sequences before I wake up. Hmmn.. great. Just. great.

The stupid part comes in here. Being a young child and having heard my mom telling me that Lysol kills germs on EVERYTHING and makes it clean! I really must have believed that because one day *while I was awake* and enjoying my daily stint in the toilet. I found myself staring at the Lysol can and reaching out for it.

Guess what happened next.....


THINKING that the dream must have been real and Lysol can really disinfect even my shitty ass.

Boy! Was I in for a surprise. The Lysol BURNED my asshole and my ass and I lept up swatting my butt in attempt to ease the "fire".

As I hopped, squealed, flapped my arms and smacked my ass, I attempted to skip out of the toilet and into my mother's arms.

I was sent to the nearby clinic with a flaming red ASS, a laughing mother who pretended to look serious at me when I peeked at her through my tears. *wails*

So the gist of this is, what happens in your dream doesn't mean that you should or could do it in real life. Common Sense would have it that you shouldn't be spraying chemicals up your ass, plain water will do to clean ur butt but to a 5-6 year old with weird dreams like mine. It would very well be real to me at that time.

Lauren couldn't stop laughing at my rendition of this dream and I in my own "trying to be serious and teaching u a lesson" kind of face couldn't but help crack up in laughter too.

What a weird dream and what a crazy kid. I'm glad I passed that stage. I hope.

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