Stop me!!!

Someone stop me! I'm having baby pangs... it must be the hormones.. and possibly the nagging thought at the back of my head going.. baby? no baby? baby? no baby?

I'm swaying from.. "hmn.. I think I can manage one final one" to "OMFG, stop Pam stop!! Enough!! Don't you REMEMBER!!"

I suppose hormones can do that to you and help to cause you temporary ammnesia at times like these and go... "perhaps it wasn't as bad as I remember?" because times like those are possibly selectively blocked from my memory now.

Would I want to return to the times where I swell at all places.. hair grows where in places you don't want it to grow and it grows super fast? Do I want more stretch marks? Darkened skin? Nausea? Giddy Spells? Cankles - where my ankles get so swollen, it looks like my calf and feet combines and there are no more ankles left. Do I want my breasts to be on a semi permanent 1 - 2 year loan to the baby because it leaks milk most of the time and it doesn't resume sensitivity till at least 9 months post weaning off the boobies?

Sigh.. while it makes sense to get it all over with before I hit 30, physically... and my body possibly will break down alot more if I do have another when I'm in my 30s.. when you're young, babies are healthier too!

Mentally, it doesnt make sense... I have big plans for the girls.. and I already have Lauren asking quietly if she can attend art class and Eirian wanting to go to dance classes. It won't be fair to judge it from a monetary standpoint as money can be earned. It just takes a little more effort.

Moms with 3 and more say that they are priceless. Yes, I'm sure they are. But I'm not sure if I am a good mother to spend enough time with all 3 children. Already I have a problem dividing my time between just 2. Most of the time, they play on their own together.. or watch TV.

I'm not as pro-active as I should be as compared to some moms out there.

I read to them, sometimes. I play with them, sometimes.

We go stuff together like watch movies, sometimes. I help in Lauren's spelling homework, sometimes. I guess I'm not as involved but it seems that the girls are still growing beautifully.

They're wonderful girls.. albeit with a hot temper and are constantly fighting but thats just sibling love. CJ mentioned. "the girls are sensible, do you notice that they don't ask us for anything?" and I sat back and pondered. He's right. They don't and it breaks my heart.

Why? Because they know not to press us for it unlike those kids outside who want their parents to buy down the whole toy store. We bring them to the toy store and they play with the display items but never do they pester for a new toy. If we do volunteer to buy them one, they get all excited and really shows how appreciative they are. So much that you feel so good giving them a treat. They treat a gift like gold and kiss you all over telling you how much they love it, even if it was a $1 toy.

We can see them look longingly at other children who have toys that they want but they never ask us for it. My eyes start to brim with tears just looking at them because it seemed like we don't provide enough. I want them to have everything but simple things make them so happy.

The point came to us one day that made both CJ and I cry racking sobs. We were going through a transitional point in time where funds were extremely low and we were stressed.

Lauren takes regularly puts coins that she finds around the house to put into a little piggy bank. Sometimes from spare change or from the coins she gets from the karang guni man.

We asked her what she was saving for and she said. "I'm saving money so that I can bring all of us to Hong Kong Disneyland".

She saw us talking quietly and she brought her piggy bank to us and asked us. "mommy, you don't have money issit? You can have my piggy bank. I got alot of money inside, give you"

My god, the point she did that, I practically burst out tears. "Why? Why can't we be the one bringing her to HKDisneyland.. why did she have to give up her little piggy bank like that?"

That was not right.

It breaks my heart so much and each time I recall that, it NEVER fails to make me cry.

It was so selfless. It was too precious. This is why we work hard. To give them the best we can.

Not because they ask for it. Which they dont. But because we want to. They should just sit back and enjoy the ride. We will push the car with whatever amount of gas we have.

And with saying that.. "mommy loves you girls!! I really do"

1,2,3!

We just weighed in this morning and I'm 3kg down! And I haven't even really begun the excercise portion of our regime and only keeping to the 5-6 day Atkins diet and our Sunday carbo breaks...

Its not alot and its not obvious yet but at least the scales are showing me SOMETHING...

I will be signing up for the gym this week.. I must find some time to get this regime up so that we can keep up the gradual loss... I need someone to join me.. perhaps I'll call Alex... my baby sister.. who btw is ULTRA sexy and pretty.. she models part time, is a full time spinning instructor at California Fitness and the gym is her 2nd home.. I'll see if she can do some spot training on me...

Janet, my galfriend who said she was going to join me has not given me any new yet on when she will be joining me.. and my other 2 galfriends work out mostly in the evenings. I want to go in the mornings so that its less crowded and I can work out at my own pace.

But for now, 3kg gone gives me hope.. CJ says its a slow climb before I plateau and it finally drops off like crazy.. so step by step.. here we go.

Copywriting for Food

I am not a born writer, neither am I a trained one. For those who follow my blog, you would find that it is full of grammatical mistakes.. spelling mistakes and the sorts... All so that I can allow my thoughts to flow freely without worrying about whether my punctuation is correct or if those reading can fully understand what I'm trying to relate.. if you can't understand what I write and are truely interested to know more, just call me.. I welcome phonecalls from genuine friends of course!

So even not being a writer being my forte, I pride myself in making the right selection of words and maintain a good sense of spelling whenever necessary.. esp when it comes to work..

Copywriting is one of the services that come under our line of work and it can vary from the technical details of a machine to writing about food.

Oh Glorious food. And this time I chose my favourite sinful obsession.. Cheesecake.. so here it goes with some short copy. Let me know what you think and if you can imagine it .. but for now.. I quite like it... and btw.. the following copy you see below is copyright to Berri Werks.. and reproduction in part or whole is strictly prohibited.


See something you like?

Now lean closer and admire the exquisite creation in front of you!

Relish in the delightful confection that sits upon a crunchy all butter shortbread cookie crust covered with a smooth layer of Premium quality chocolate fudge.

Go on, indulge yourself!

Slip a spoonful of this lusciously rich caramel cheesecake into your mouth, close your eyes, then sit back and experience sensational bursts of flavor as your tongue swirls amongst sinful decadence...

Mmmmmm. Have another bite! Ooooooohhh!

Savour the taste of the cool, creamy cheese filling topped with an irresistible combination of succulent, sweet ruby strawberries and plump, juicy blueberries, oozing amber swirls of caramel and crowned with a tumble of golden buttery candied pecans.

Feed your desire!

Enjoy the luxuriousness of each bite as each spoonful brings you a little bit closer to heaven...

How do you look like when you wake up?

Thanks to my trusty ole MV3, I managed to snap a relatively acceptable photo of myself and wondered... messy hair.. squinty eyes.. puffy face.. sans the drool and still smiling..

Age had finally caught up on me.. I see crows feet.. I see wrinkles.. I lifted my hands and thrusted them into CJ's hands and said.. "look.. my hands are old" and he looked at me and said..
"No.... they're beautiful."

(Aww... I'm so touched.)

Chinese New Year is really expensive...

I reiterate again..Chinese New Year is really expensive.. I don't get all the hoo-ha but CJ says its tradition and if the elders are happy.. and there is only so much we need to do to make them happy.. then so be it...

To start off, where I can see the dollar notes start growing wings are clothes... normally.. everyone will be out getting a new set of everything from inner 'secrets' to new outfits, new shoes, makeup and hairstyle..

For me, my mom in law already bought me a top so I'm just getting a pair of jeans or two.. at least I can use those for work! $50-100? I'll be going to get my messy mop of what you call hair off my head tomorrow too.. so there goes ... another... $40 bucks...

Who cares about inner secrets.. no one is going to see it.. unless CJ decides that he wants to splurge on some new lingerie.. hehe I won't mind.

Anyway.. then goes the girls.. they have clothes that they have gotten over their birthday last year.. so they'll wear that.. and CJ? well... I'll be getting him another pair of jeans to go with some unopened pack of collared shirt that had taken residence in his cupboard. Another $50.

Then there are the snacks.. Bee Cheng Hiang Bak Kwa... $36 for 1kg of sweet meat... *slurp* ok.. so this is money well spent. I think we'll be going for more bc the pack we bought on Saturday is almost half gone! hehehehe! *yummy* (image below taken from www.bch.com.sg)

Ok.. then there are the preserved fruits, the watermelon seeds, the assorted nuts, the deep fried prawn rolls, the various cookies, mountains of mandarin oranges, pomelos and the packet drinks!!! *alamak! I forgot to buy drinks...*

We'll be making our own home made pineapple tarts this week and even some "kuay bangkit" cookies.. I may blog about it and you can judge for yourself if they came out nice or looking like crap. They're both not easy to do and it is only lucky that both me and my MIL have a good affinity towards eachother in the kitchen.. we bake to destress and we bake together and love it.

Those are just the beginning.. I start to choke when my MIL starts on the ordering of the actual CNY food.. $60 for frozen scallops alone .. and possibly about $200 for the rest of the following food items... like sharks fin... prawns... meat... fish... fishballs... meat balls... ngoh hiang... squid... abalone!! Aiyoh!! *faint*... not forgetting the many many veggies.. dried scallops for the soup base for our steamboat.. WHYYY!! wHHHHYY!!! So expensive... *gulp* (trying to imagine if I can survive on fried onions for the next month)

And not forgetting my all favourite.. which I'm not complaining about Yu Sheng!!! I loooove Yu Sheng!! But without the fish of course.. hehhe CJ eats all the raw fish. This in itself costs about $30 to get it done right... about $18 for the prepacked preserved ingredients, $8 forthe raw fish, $2 for the additional sauce and crispy biscuits and another $2 for the carrot, radish and cucumber to shred finely and dry before displaying. (image taken from www.tanglinclub.org.sg)


Okay.. then after all the consumer frenzy.. comes the real killer.


ANG POW.

Remember the time that you happily got dressed in your best clothes on CNY morning.. in excited anticipation of the onslaught of red packets that come your way over the celebrations.. where relatives that you don't see for 362 days of the year suddenly appear saying "aiyoh! so big, so pretty already ah! here you go, Happy New Year!" while passing you a plump red packet of those crispy new dollar notes.

With a sweeping of the eye and giving the most innocent sweet smile, you flash your pearly whites in reply and happy prance away leaving nothing in your trail while headed to the nearest tray of snacks.

This only happens when you are a CHILD!! and when you are not married yet. *hmpf!*

When you get married in Singapore.. you only get a one year sabbatical where you are considered a newly wed and are then ''excused'' from giving out Ang Pows... where you furiously then try to concieve within the year so that at the 2nd Wedded year, you would be armed with "Baby" to recouperate your losses. *sounds crude but how often does this happen? ALOT*

We didn't plan it but it was also like that for us.. by the time we hit our 2nd year of marriage. We already had Lauren.. *smirk*

So the nights before, the red packets come out but not with so much excitement as you did when you saw them as a child.. the ques at the bank start to stretch to beyond the bank's doors while people gather to change their notes and draw "new money" for packing.

Hubby and myself start listing names of those we would be giving.. names of Adults and names of Children... we ponder and lie on the floor thinking.. "how much would be enough?" without seeming like sore misers nor wanting to exude fake generosity.

I believe that we can only give within our means and then so starts the packing.. labelled packs. Special packs.. and EXTRA generic packs.. for the inevitable children that suddenly "appear" and even without knowing their name.. we go up to them and offer them money. -.-''

Urgh.. we must be nuts but its "tradition". Give luck to Get luck.. so must be happy. *trying to convince myself that this is true...*

Not forgetting... winning and losing at Mahjong... its also 'tradition' to play Mahjong on CNY.. and we can only pray that luck is on our side when we do... to win instead of losing... *Crossing my fingers to draw in my first 13Yao... and "pong", "chow" and "kang" all beautifoool cards into my deck this new year* And hey! I only started playing less than a month okay! Not bad already hor! *chanting... must practice.. must practice.. hehehehe*

Wish me luck and here wishing you a very Prosperous Chinese New Year... Nian Nian You Yu... Gong Xi Fa Cai! and once more.. *haiz!* Chinese New Year is really expensive... :)

This is what happens...

when I don't keep my makeup safely.. and CJ decides that Eirian is safe sitting at my desk at my studio...

She stealthily finds my makeup kit.. pretends to be me and ends up looking like... THIS. *-.-/

"look mommy! I pweety!"

Eirian's One minute of Fame

Actually.. more like few seconds of fame.. It was the last night of 2006.. the gahmen body at my residential area decided to do a countdown party down at my block...

Both the girls and myself went down to check out the festivities after dinner and found a movie running and also a short concert activity. The emcee went on stage and asked if there were any children who wanted to participate in the one minute of fame and immediately I asked Eirian if she wanted to be on stage and sing a song?

She nodded excitedly so I said.. what do you want to sing? Twinkle Star? She nodded again. So I asked her to give me a trial run and it went perfectly so I signed her up.

She was such a willing sport and listened to all instructions that the coordinator said to all the children involved.. sit here.. que up.. go up to the aunty and tell her what you are doing.. so there she was.. and there I was.. a proud momma that was more nervous than she was...

I kept on having flashes that she would freeze on stage.. or maybe worse, burst out crying and fall off the stage..

It came as a pleasant surprise when the clock finally struck 11pm.. one hour to 2007 and she was called up to stage after around 1.5 hours of waiting for the show to run its course to reach the "One minute of Fame" section.

She confidently strode up onto the stage. Whispered "I singing twinkle twinkle. shhhhh..." to the emcee and then was given the mike... her voice shone out loud. Although the pitch wasn't perfect to some. It was perfect to me. I was so proud that I nearly forgot to record it.

It ended with her winning! She happily accepted her gift pack and came prancing to me while I sweep her off her feet and into the air, giving her hug because I was just so proud that she did it.

Such an innocent twinkle twinkle little star.. and hey... "THATS MY BABY.."

I'm...

going to have a baby.

NOT!!! Now please close your mouth and blink your eyes before you read on... Of course I'm not pregnant lah!!! Its just a passing thought.. where sometimes the maternal instinct kicks in when you're looking at little babies with their chubby cheeks and squishy arms, cooing and gurgling in all angelic cuteness... not all babies are like ann geddes posters of little angelings.

It temporarily blinds you to the times where at 330am in the morning, you're sitting on the bed in the bleak darkness, with a baby crying from colic attempting to wake the neighbourhood with her screaming and at the same time achieve an impersonation of a Ribena berry by holding her breathe and turning purple from all the crying.

With the noise resounding and bouncing off the walls, you'd think she'd probably grow up to be a rock star at the rate she was going. Hair all messed up, you'd think it would have come from a kinky romp but NOOOOO... more like a long evening of battling baby through her shower, tons of wet slippery diapers and worse... breasts leaking milk all over the brand new changed bedsheets.. .great. Just great. Hair is falling, you're tired and wonder.. oh god.. let morning come where she finally falls asleep.. I NEED REST.

This only works if your child is like mine and sleeps more in the morning than they do at night. It took me 3 years to finally have a good night sleep without waking once.

If you reverse the sequence even more... being pregnant.. where the glorious part is when you can let "everything out" and wear fitted clothes while showing off your bump makes it relaxing. No more tucking in your tummy and no more avoiding food because you're "allowed" to eat more.. you look radiant at times and people give you chairs almost everywhere you go to sit... and not to mention.. sex is GREAT too... almost the best you can ever have and orgasms can go on FOREVER... no kidding.... if a nympho ever wanted the best sex in her life.. she should be ALWAYS pregnant... haha don't knock it till u tried it. *lol*

If you have never felt how a baby feels when they are moving IN your body. You cannot imagine how pleasurable it feels in the early stages...*pleasurable not in the SEX sense ah!!! but how unique and satisfying it feels where you see people excitedly go hey! the baby is moving and quickly grab your hands and puts it on the bump just to feel the flesh move while you try to identify if that was an elbow, a butt or a knee...

It starts with a fluttery kind of feeling.. sometimes a little squirmy like a gastric bubble and you start to wonder if that was it... after a while.. you get used to it and it becomes more pronounced and you KNOW its it... and once you're on the final stages of pregnancy. You start to wish that the baby would just go back to sleep after lodging her leg up into your lung giving you a chest spasm... or sitting on your bladder where every 5 mins gives you the urge to pee the most minimal droplets of pee while feeling like you're holding a ton.

I've always had textbook pregnancies.. both went somewhat smoothly without any medical problems at all other than the dreaded morning sickness and the aversion to food and oil. Almost everything smelt bad.. hawker centres were the worst! They should call it all day sickness bc it doesn't only hit you in the morning but really ALL DAY LONG... I had plastic bags in my pockets, in my bag, in the car... I lose at least 10-12kg just because of the vommiting alone. Imagine that...

Not only that... how about dizzy spells? I can't remember how many dizzy spells I got then becuase they became too many to remember... the blood pressure plummets or rises and the body goes haywire...

And the worst.. the weight gain is incredible.. each pregnancy saw at least 22kg pile onto my body.. very much on the excessive side of weight gain but we were both happy that both girls came our perfect and healthy.

Looking back and looking at them... it all goes under a sacrifice that I willingly and lovingly went through just for them... Once.. twice.. but 3 times... I think not. There's only so much you can take.. perhaps I can take only one more time.. but do I really want to? Really?

My sister in law holds no doubts that she would love to see another niece or nephew... CJ obviously WANTS another one.. my own mother dreams about me being pregnant... my mother in law also hints on a 3rd one on the way.. like times where she keeps a piece of clothing that gets too small and says.. its ok... "save it for your next one". -.-

I used to say, two girls and one boy.. but it seems so much like a scary thing to do... so I'm very happy with two girls. Thank you very much. And because I have thought about this sequence of 2G and 1B.. and I do get pregnant.. and its a girl.. would I be dissappointed? Its all too hazy to think about.. you cannot GUARANTEE that you can get the sequence you want and all you can do is hope that the baby is healthy as a horse and looks just as perfect as their sisters...

*Sigh... * What to do? ....

Who says there is going to be a next one??

Advertising Agencies

Ad agency executives SUCK!!!!!! Okay.. maybe not all but the ones we deal with surely do. They're the pinnacle of bitch and are lazy self righteous bastards. I may seem like I'm shooting myself in the foot because I also run an advertising outfit but I still stand by my rant and saying "crap!!!!!!" It frustrates me with their employee mentality and red tape and whatever shebang they call their PROCESSES... not one of them wants to be accountable for ANYTHING but they want everything to be served to them on a silver platter! All so that they can look nice in front of THE CLIENT. Which so happens to be MY DIRECT client. Liasing with them is done out of respect of MY client's instructions so that there would be a good stream of communication with all involved.

It takes almost FOREVER for them to think about their next step and then they run around in circles without getting confirmation from the client on whether we can proceed with the next step. They must be very fit in working in their agency because they do ALOT OF TAICHI everyday.. pushing the problem to other people and acting blur without taking responsibility of when what comes out of their own bloody mouth. Its only black and white with these people or you would get stabbed in the back, leg, neck.. arm.. whatever they can get hold of they will stab lah... and you'll be bleeding on the ground, spasming from the blood loss while they stand there laughing in their fake prada-grade b/c/d (aka prad.a labelled pieces.. as if we cannot see the additional . in the brand name) and fake gucci outfits. Please lah hor... spare me the memories.. I have better things to put in my brain and more loving memories to create with my family too..

So many times in this case, I just wanted to stab them straight in the eyes just to blind them so that I can laugh at how stupid they will look bc they will go "ooohh.. my eyes... my eyes..."

Agency AEs in this case must think that the world must revolve around them and we must serve them hand and foot. MY FOOT!! they can suck on my nicely pedicured deep red toenails and go to bed... *bah*

This is truely the unglamourous part of advertising, design and printing where they say that if anything CAN go wrong.. WILL go wrong... and it is just one hit after another... each day I wake up these few days and pray.. please... please... let today be smooth and hiccup free...

We are working on a major project.. with a dream client.. or at least a client that anyone in this industry would love to have under their wings.. and they APPROACHED us!! With just one meeting, we had them sans pitch! It was almost like it fell into our lap. Joys of Joys.. this pulls our working portfolio up to the big boys... so watch out intl. ad agencies... Berri Werks has arrived.

Albeit having this VERY tricky project to deal with, we have certainly been trying our best to give the best quality of work that can be achieved. We pulled in knowledge of our past decade of experience... knowledge that I've gained while taking my pro. dip in advertising & design, production knowledge which CJ, I now proclaim is KING... all into pulling this project off.

Liasing in between the agency and our client has brought in so much unecessary wastes of time, money and problems.. we did not have this kind of problem when we went directly and once the agency stepped in.. FUCK.. It all went haywire. Things started to go wrong and we were fighting fire..

Caught between paper pushing pompous idiots aka agency aes who would rather sleep in on a saturday for their fucking beauty sleep rather than ensure that the project is running smoothly and a client that we want to keep VERY happy so that we can ensure ourselves a long working relationship...

It has been such a terraneous hill of ups and downs and where we end up after this will be on the top of the hill shouting down... GONG XI FA CAI!! Happy New Year and hope we have a really good one...

Butterflies in the stomach just don't cut it if I were to describe the nervousness I'm feeling. It is more like a feeling of a huge dark cloud that is not hovering above you but ON MY DAMNED HEAD... the shoulders are tense... the stomach is twisting.. the heart is pounding... body is aching... the eyes are hurting... it almosts sounds like I'm sick but I'm not.

Stressed is the opposite of Desserts... something that I think we should treat ourselves to once this is all over.. we need a temporary sanity reviving break.

I know that CJ is also feeling the same way when I look over at him and we look at each other exasperatingly.. I'm just happy that we're not taking it out on each other... We will be stronger once this passes and I have all parts crossed in intense anticipation that the ending will be glorious.

Wish us luck... We will survive this battle.

The December Issue

Several things happened in December.. for one.. CJ became the childcare centre's Jolly Santa.. he agreed to do it and he did it for free! The church affiliated with the school provided a felt top and bottom a cottony beard.. we went through the costume bag and found that there were alot missing... for one.. no shoes.. so a barefoot santa it would be then! ... and no belt! Aiyoh!

I went into the school searching for materials and ended up with a black trash bag, scotch tape and a yellow piece of origami paper... so we set off to work and made something that looked like the belt.. and voila! Santa ... Singapore style.. hehhee ...

He even had the gold rimmed glasses! His own of course.. hahaha... He stood by the door rehearsing his "HO HO HO... Merry Christmas! blah blah blah..." I thought he looked quite cute.

The belt somehow came out looking pretty realistic too and the children were shrieking in amusement when he finally plodded out of the room to greet them with his best Father Christmas voice and led them into a meet and greet with some games and gift giveaways.

Both Lauren and Eirian were very pleased that their dad was Santa and laughed so hard that they rolled over on the ground. It was a pleasant morning that December's day that we had brought happiness and a nice memory for all those children.. and most importantly our own with their very own personal... Santa Claus.

Christmas Dinner came soon after where we had our usual Christmas Dinner for the past couple of years.. it has almost always been the same with the exception of the poultry.. Last year it was a really big turkey as we had a built in oven at my MIL's flat at Hougang.. this year.. it was roasted chicken with the usual accompaniments...

.. as usual, we had our favourite potato salad.. sausages, sliced honey ham, glazed wings, nuggets, sotong balls and oven roasted garlic bread.. it was a yummy spread with different sauces of ketchup, chili sauce, homemade apple sauce and blueberry/cranberry jam. Christmas rang in much later with the adults at the Mahjong table playing with Christmas luck. The girls watching Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz while trying their best to stay awake for the clock to strike midnight and they can open their presents...

Presents that CJ and I hoarded over the past months into a special christmas package for each child.. they made their home at the office shelf each time 2 of something was bought and finally packaged as a bunch of christmas delights... everyone was happy :) That is what family is all about..

What kind of food is that??

Over the years, I've come across different signs that just make me stop and do a double take and always sends me reeling in laughter... It amuses me greatly to catch these seemingly innocent mistakes that makes things just sound so wrong...

In this case.. I walked past the poster above and had to take a few steps back to relook and wondered... "FINGERING SNACKS?"

Err... food that you eat when you're being fingered? *ahem*

Suppose that would be stuff like.... errr what? Banana maybe? Oh wait! I know.. Goreng Pisang lah right? hahha singaporean style FINGERING FOOD..

It didn't end there where I amusingly recount different signs I remember but never took a picture from.. *thank you motorola v3 for immediate pictures! ahha*

One sign at a factory once said "please use flesh water to clean the machines''... *ahem*
One menu stated once "wanton noddles"... *what the heck is a noddle*

... more to come once I can get them into my phone...

Going nuts about Onions

Its been a while since I've had crazy cravings and *nooo! I'm not pregnant!*

With the onset of our new diet, we've been looking for alternatives to snack items and I've desperately been looking for one to take the place of the potato chip...

And I found it and am loving it... *albeit I think CJ may have a problem with the increasing fart issue buahahaha*

FRIED ONIONS... yes the type that the hawker centre aunty happily throws into our morning century egg pork porridge.. or prawn mee noodle soup... the heavenly brown salty crispy little bits of deep fried onions.. *drools*

I've always loved fried onions and always requested for more when eating out but I found a whole new meaning of loving them recently... CJ sat in amazement as I went through watching a show on the telly with a pack of $1 fried onions slowly making their way down my throat...

*pam now sitting back with a little bottle of fried onions on her table... munchie time!!* Now all chippy *the UK fast food outlet at Cityhall* has to do is make giant onion rings to go with their cheese dip and I'm a sworn fan forever...

Designer Issue : Hayden

We walked past the Hayden boutique at Club Street yesterday and it stopped me right in my tracks. My head turned and I let out a small shriek! OMG!!!! They're beautiful!

Hayden is a local designer who creates oriental style outfits. With Kimono like styles and oriental embroidery with a modern flowy twist with soft silky fabrics.

There were gorgeous embroidered crystal tops.. gorgeous fitted capri bottoms and many many amazing dresses.. One caught my eye and it was fitted on a mannequin beside him. It was a floral drop V asymetrical dress with a sash at the waist.. it looked so elegant and beautiful but it can only be worn with someone with a great body..

It gave me inspiration. (edit: Hayden found my blog! hahha unbelievable and I'm very pleased to announce that that beeautiful dress cost $729!!....)

I stood there looking at it and wondering how it would be like to have it for myself.. but where would I wear it to? .... sigh.

With at least $600 a piece for either a top or a bottom.. it was surely 'BOUTIQUE' prices... but they were just so ... beautiful....

Tummy Bugs & Vomit

Yes, thats what I've been looking at the past few days and all the more today.. Eirian was down last week with a tummy bug and refused to eat or even drink her beloved Milo.. she's getting pretty scrawny to me because she's losing alot of weight! I took a stroll down wisma and bought her a bag of $9 Famous Amos Cookies.. *drooling* I love those cookies, esp the black ones with a whole lotta chocolate in them.. but noooo *trying self restraint... I must not. I will not. eat cookies during weekdays.* We're trying to plump her up and even had the GP at this morning's visit give us an appetite stimulant just for her before she disappears into oblivion.

Lauren caught the bug too and started chucking this morning.. more than 4 times already and oh so much with so much brute force.. I'm feeling nauseaus just thinking about it.. poor gal! She spent the morning with me whining on an achy tummy and finally fell asleep at 11am.

The day started off with 2 chicken wings in my tummy and thats all thats floating in my tummy till now. I'm wondering when my body starts to rebel and say that 2 chicken wings aren't enough!! I'm looking forward to the run later in the evening because I think my mood is going wacky with the few days of non stimulation and no excercise. *Yes!!! this is what I want! The urge to WANT to excercise** I'm just hoping that the urge stays for me to keep up the momentum.

A momentum that has currently broken in terms of work.. I know that I have a whole list of things to do... events to line up... activities to roll out... and potential clients to forge relationships with... but....... *eyes closing*

I know I must get started... *procrastinating*.... I know.. but ... I... am just feeling so out of it and so damned lazy. Sigh.

Someone help me.. I need details up... I need money in.. I need to get the juices flowing..

Is there a miracle pill somewhere that can rejuvenate this urge? And please dont say its the tiny blue one that starts w V... I'm not THAT old yet and not male either.. -.-'' urgh.

Eirian's Makeover at the modelling studio... she also has grown alot.. very vain and almost always in pink... she's a very girly girl... but with a fiery hot temper.

Lauren

Oh my.. how my baby has grown... 6 years on... *sigh*

Gareth

In honour of brand new addition to the immediate family of the Sims, I would like to devote a little entry just for the little one which made his way into our lives in Sept 06.

Introducing Gareth Tham! My sister in law Serene's brand new baobei and brand new terror for my brother in law, Mark.

It has been a wonderful 4 months which has passed since his arrival and he has grown into such a big little baby! Oh my how he's grown! He's fully breastfed which can be a pain to his "por por" because he refuses to drink from a bottle when he's over under her care... but its all good.. breastmilk is best for baby.. *hehehe I sound like a breastfeeding commercial*

So.. 2 months on.. here he is... handsome bugger eh? *muaks!

A new hairstyle...

I've been wanting to cut my hair for the longest time.. about 4 months already.. I'd wake up and say ok.. today I'm going to the hairdressers and I end up not going.. why? I don't know..

Anyway, I searched the net to find a picture of a crop that I'd like and I think I found one..

Its a shaggy kinda crop that I think would frame my chubby face quite well.. I hope that the stylist can get it right..

My current do is just long and heavy and almost always in the hairstylists sin 101 position. In a ponytail or twisted up on my head with a crabclaw clip.

Not at all appealing. I'm hoping that the new crop will be more energising than this long horsemane that I'm currently sporting and give some vibrancy to my overall look.

*fingers crossed*

Baby dreams

Over 6 years ago, I had a nightmare that I lost a baby.. I woke up crying... - 3 weeks later.. I confirmed myself pregnant at the doctor's without even taking a self pregnancy test. I just knew and the surprised doctor checked and asked how I knew if I didn't self test.. We just did..

9 months later - Out popped Lauren.

Over 4 years ago, I had another nightmare that someone made my baby into Bak-kut-teh (a kind of peppery herbal soupy meat dish).. I woke up crying... - 2 weeks later.. I confirmed myself pregnant again. Missed period and confirmed it at the GP with a pregnancy test who let out a hearty congratulations.

9 months later - Out popped Eirian.

Just yesterday, I recieved a message from my mom whos currently living in the philippines... "I had a dream that you were pregnant...keep the baby, its a blessing from God and a wonderful gift"

I replied with, "I'm not. I'm on a diet and excersizing and returning to the gym!"

She replied, "better check with your gynae and stop excersizing before you're sure!"

I replied again with, "I'm not lah, unless its immaculate conception." (hahaha, just a joke bc the period just ended not long ago)

She replied insisting "go check and don't go for abortion, keep the baby, its a gift"

I replied insisting "don't have lah. Anyway, who ever said I was not going to keep it even if I was pregnant??"Of course I'll have it... anyway, are you sure its me? And not Alex or Jackie?

Alex n Jackie are my younger sisters if you didn't know.

She replied "Not jackie, maybe Alex but its ok, I'll take all babies.. but its definitely you in my dream"

I replied "Uh huh, well... I think I'm not so time will tell... I'll keep you updated if I am sometime.. if ever..."

At this point, I took the time to message Alex with "mom's being weird and scary and insisting that I'm pregnant when I'm not"

Alex replied with "she's just being paranoid. Her fortune says that she will have a new family member this year."

I took another peek at my phone and sigh.. *weird - rolls eyes. who knows... maybe I am... or not. *shrug*

Joining the Gym

Its been a long time since I stepped back into a gym.. I frequented California Fitness some years ago in 2004... that has been a full 2 years since I last actively excersized. I got into a pretty good routine of taking group classes twice a week in step and body combat.. and then doing a 40 min run on the skywalker and then a 15-20 min machine cycle where I did some spot toning... it was working for a while.. and then I changed my job just at the point where I was dropping the weight rapidly... 10kg down in just 3 months. A new job that saw me working crazy hours at times and also running in shifts..

I stopped my membership and pulled out. *bad idea-body wise*

I threw the idea out at CJ sometime last week on my return to the gym.. and surprisingly and pleasantly, he said to go for it! I was hesitant to bring it up as it brought up quite abit of arguing the last time I frequented so I was glad that he thought it was a good idea now.

He would be returning to his training Dojo which I was hesitant to go as it stressed me on the strict discipline and progression and different things that I had to learn by attending classes there.. I'm a martial artist (in my dreams only hahaha)... so he goes himself.. I'm sure its a good way for him to release stress and he really likes it there.. so I guess time alone if good sometimes.

I would be returning to the gym next week to start off a routine.. I went to the website and noticed that there are alot more locations and new classes that they had introduced since the last time I was there. It would be interesting to check them out in my own time and target..

I'm looking forward to looking like an beginners idiot in the step class again.. *the lost look* and standing there scratching my head when the regulars there would be flying and spinning around and around gracefully over their step board...

I'm also looking forward to the dance kicking and punching in the combat classes... *clasping hands excitedly*

It has something to do with really loud techno and pop music that sets my heart pumping and my ass moving.. I guess thats why they are so popular with people like me.. we like that kind of stimulation hahah

I hope a good deal comes in soon on my renewed membership from that marketing manager, Jamie from Calfit or my spinning instructor sister, Alex...

Already I've gathered 3 galfriends to join me.. a seasoned veteran gym go-er mom from my moms board named Nickle... an inspiring galfriend who went from XXL to a svelte S size lady in under a year named Joanne and Janet... a galfriend who also has same intentions to lose some weight this year...

Its going to be a good year.. I hope.

OMG its Atkins...

The new year began and we set resolutions that we don't keep... I guess it would be a standard, *hold hand up in the air and chant* ... I will lose weight this year... I will wake up earlier each morning... I will stop sitting on my ass and be more pro-active in my life... yadda yadda yadda...

Its like trying to convince yourself that you would be a happier person if you actually do all that... maybe? Well.. I got started on one at least and just said.. f*ck the rest.. I'll get to it once I get my first one rolling.. so here goes the ball...

CJ started the new year with great determination to lose some of the flab that seemed to have made residence on his body over the past months.. we both have been sitting on our asses almost 60-80% of the time at the office and you can imagine the other 10% for me is out meeting clients and the last 10% is in the search for food!! Sigh.. no wonder we're looking like pigs.

Anyway, he went a week before he convinced me that I should stop procrastinating and just get off my ass to work my body out.. Oh ye ole body.. how long have I neglected thee.. Its been a long time..

He suggested, lets go on atkins... and I balked in horror.. OH! Nooo.... this is not going to be easy.. but what is?... so I said ok. I'll do it.. *what was I thinking???*

Atkins is a diet where you would be on a high protein diet and cut out carbohydrates such as bread and rice... and for anyone who knows me.. I LOOVE rice... *staring dreamily at the wall thinking of a huge plate of steaming soft rice with chicken gravy....**damn**

It is not easy to go on a diet in Singapore and it is certainly NOT cheap! Walk into any hawker centre and what do you see? Chee Cheong Fun... Curry Rice..Rice with something.. Char Kuay Teow!! or Fish Noodle something... and Nonya kuays galore... *oh god please help me*

I began with trepidation... a little doubtful that I can manage this great sacrifice... yes. You were wondering.. GREAT SACRIFICE? yes I say.. its a big one.. but you gotta start somewhere...

We start off our diet on a 6 day schedule.. and break it on Sunday when all the family is at home and we have our weekly family meal... I look foward to Sunday's just because of this now..

Other than thinking about what ELSE I can do to chicken.. and what else I can make that is rice and bread free... I think we're doing alright.. Its been 2 weeks since we started and this would make it our 2nd sunday since we began... I'm amazed and very proud of myself for such self restraint...

*going hazy back into memories..* I recall stepping on a weighing scale some decade ago and looking down and seeing a manageable weight of 53-55kg and looked over a very young CJ who was also weghing in arnd 80kg... "shoot me if I ever hit 60kg can?"... amused, he agreed..

He didn't keep that promise hahahah or maybe he did.. he did "shoot" at me many times because I'm a young momma with 2 school going children one decade later hahaha... *grumble grumble* I meant to SHOOT me with a gun lah deh... sigh... Can't blame him tho... It has been a steady weight gain till today..

Steeping in self denial, I never did want to look at the scale because I could see it in the form of my shopping purchases.. I went from a size 10 to a size 18 in over 10 years.. Before I hit any bigger sizes that has to be custom made, I better do something about it.. I won't say that I would be a happier person but at least I hope that I'd be healthier and have more energy before I hit my big 30 birthday... so it still gives me some time.

Wow.. I just realised that this is going to be such a long entry...

Anyway.. we made it a point to make our way down to the pharmacy and bought a weighing scale.. its a nice black colour one with a huge traditional face..

*heart racing* I stepped on the scale and peeked down. (eyes going wide in horror).

Oh-my-holy-lord.

I've hit 99kg. Just one kg short of a 1% fraction of a ton. I'm a whale. *faint*

Breathing hard, I step off in wonder on how I managed to get myself into such a horrifying state. It was a beginning of a long journey. I silently made a promise that this is it. The last straw.

Procrastinating.. yes.. this will be the last time I'm tipping the scales at this size. Mark my words.

So today's post sees me at 99kg. Today is the 13th of January 2007 and I am... erm... 28 years old?

I forgot to add also that we started jogging and doing what CJ calls conditioning where we are focusing on strengthening our muscles and lower half of the body. I've gone about twice so far in the past week and we're going again tonight..

I'm determined to keep this up.

He mentioned the other day over chicken.. "you know now that support is so important in the effort to lose weight?" I nodded.. and thought ... oh yes... it surely is..

For the times that I walk past a chicken rice stall and stare longingly at the steaming rice.. and have him pull me away.. "control, control" he says.. "control, control" I say in my head.. and turn away... *puff out a deep breathe....control... *

It must be hard on him too... I try to help him where I can see that he is losing his will and wants to break the diet... I will insist that he stays on it and look for an alternative...

The beginning is hard.. perhaps we will get used to it soon.