Dearest Rashidah...

Dearest Rashidah,

It was back in May this year, 23rd of May to be more precise that I took my first Zumba class with you. I enjoyed myself so much that I kept going back for more and it changed my life. I actually found something that I was naturally good at by chance!

I've always loved watching other people dance but never thought that I would actually be good at it. I kept to your class as religiously as possible and took inspiration from your excellent skills and the way you moved. I was always and still am awe struck by the ease of how you make each move and how you made each one look so good. How does someone dance so well with such ease & passion?!

Over time, I improved and improved tremendously under your guidance. So much to the point that I got good enough that people actually thought that I taught Zumba too! And I almost did or more so, I might... in time.... maybe.

So today really came as a shock that has left me crying since I heard the news from you that you were leaving and today was your last Zumba class. It has been 6 hours since and I still haven't stopped crying. I've never cried so long for years so this really takes the cake. My eyes are now practically swollen to slits and still tearing as I write this.

It never occurred to me that today would be the last time we would Zumba together. You played all my favourite tracks. Worked the class so hard that I was practically wheezing and everyone was euphoric and then the news hit and everything came crashing down and I've lost my mood to dance.

I'm upset that I'd be losing a mentor. You are young, so many years my junior but your impact in my life is tremendous. Sad at knowing that I'd miss you so much. Sad that you would not be there for class anymore. Sad that news like this was so sudden and I am not mentally prepared to let you go.

Sad that I do not feel that you being asked to leave was justified, unless you are leaving on your own accord for your own reasons but if it was otherwise. Many.. and I mean MANY people are here to fight for your return and I will be first in line to do so followed by a very big crowd behind me. Too many of us love you to let you go. Its just so wrong that you're not going to be around anymore.

While people would say. Its just a job. Things like this happen... you're still in Singapore and you're still a friend that I'll keep in contact with but its just not the same. I'm immensely upset with you leaving. You're my dance instructor, I feel like a part of me just died.

Heck! Even for now, I'm considering dropping Zumba instructorship as it seems so pointless without the right guidance. No one at the gym is as good a dancer as you. No one inspires me to dance more than you. It is you, Rashidah that brought dance into my life and changed me.

If I move on with dance, I will always credit you months and years down the road as it is because of you, Rashidah that I dance and dance so well.

When people say they love how I move, I proudly tell them.. "Rashidah trained me" and I still say that all the time...and they say "she must be good" and I tell them.. "but of course! I only learn from the best..." and the day I have my first class, it will be dedicated to you. If ever I have one. And I'll make you proud.

You are an amazing dancer, with youth on your side too, you have great potential. I'm sure one day, we'll see you on TV or in the papers and I will then proudly tell everyone that you taught me before.. you are my dance inspiration and my friend.

While my tears still have not dried, I know I'm going to miss you so much that it hurts. You know my number, you have me on msn so please log on sometime, you've got all possible emails to me and I know you read my blog from time to time so please do not lose touch. And we still have that dinner to go to together one of these days. We've planned for that dinner for months now... so we must go.

Here's wishing you the best that life can bring, the most amazing love that you deserve, the happiness that you've always dreamed of and the glory and fame that the passion of dance can bring...

Love, Pam

*Note to other blog readers: No, I'm not lesbian. No, I'm not Bi. Just because I love my dance instructor & friend doesn't make me any of that. OF COURSE SHE HASN'T DIED, *CHOI CHOI CHOI LAH!!! even though I've been crying like someone did. And Yes. I'm extremely upset so don't make it worse by being inconsiderate with your comments. With this, I'm going on a short blog hiatus while I recover from this trauma. No words of comfort needed as nothing is going to help other than Rashidah saying "I'm coming back". I've written so much about Rashidah, pictures/comments and posts about her can be found HERE

And this last picture was taken in the midst of all the crying, I've pixelized it for the sake of making us still look "human" amidst the swollen faces while the original shot is for our own personal records only. I'm sure we'll find the time to take some very pretty and smiling shots in the coming weeks. And Yes.. thats' Claudia, me, Rashidah and Nadnut from Rashidahs' last Zumba class this evening...WE'RE MISSING YOU ALREADY!!*